well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
