I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
