Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
