the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Someone came in the potted fern
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
