Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
