Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
