The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
