Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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