Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
