If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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