Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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