All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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