Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
