im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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