piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
