just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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