Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
