Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
that may or may not have been my penis.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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