In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
