dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
