Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
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Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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