he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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