you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
