; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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