chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
