Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
