Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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