dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
