I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
