I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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