Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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