Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
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Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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