so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
