that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize