I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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