the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
