There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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