cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
