I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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