Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she told me i tasted like america
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
