your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
look no pants
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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