I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
