I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
