i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
