Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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