Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
