better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
