I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
