I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
