so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
