So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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