i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
they're like a gay fantastic four
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
