Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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