Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
