His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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