Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
