Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
