i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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