hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
