She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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