I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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