im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
