I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
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This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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