so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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