I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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