Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
foreskin is a definite game changer
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
