giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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