pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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