Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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