Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
