I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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