It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
