We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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