I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
