u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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