Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
