the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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